Ten: Holding

Got distracted, as per. Daily substantive writing sounded so nice, so achievable, but here we are, blogging.

There's a finite window when I can do this. When I want to do this. When I have this ready to go. It's basically from the time I get into the office until the time I finish my coffee. After that, I'll look back wistfully and go, "damn, you missed it." I'll open the doc a time or two just to frown at it. Then I'll go on, not really doing anything with my day.

I've noticed a hierarchy-of-needs issue worth considering. For the past while, I've felt just above Safety. A foot into Belonging, but the ground here is sandy and could erode any minute. Who's to say about "Safety" even? We've a tenuous grasp on that in the best of times, and there's not a lot that can be done if outside forces deliberately or blithely sweep it away. When I'm in a dreamspace to start a project, I'm projecting all the way up the pyramid. The dream lasts as long as it can. We all know what happens when human voices wake us.

The housing holding pattern is an easy culprit. Waiting for the bank, waiting for repair estimates, waiting to see if my work is doing merit raises for 2023. Keeping the house clean, keeping the kid occupied, keeping an eye on the best possible week to post a listing. Between those moments, frustration, rumination, exhaustion. Closing is tomorrow, a big milestone, sure, but then we're listing on Thursday. Holding, keeping, and waiting. Then: